February 5th, 2010 by IamDraven

For some reason my bra left my body and went flying across the room. (I’ll let you all figure that out yourselves.) Later Erik noticed that my bra had landed in a certain position on top of the stuffed monkey I had given him. 

Not that I’d normally put my underclothes up on my blog, but we both thought it was hysterical and Erik mentioned I didn’t have a photo of the week posted yet.  Photo was taken instantly, and I’m just now posting it a few days later.

February 3rd, 2010 by IamDraven

This is actually from Discover Magazine, not The Onion!

Oral conception. Impregnation via the proximal gastrointestinal tract in a patient with an aplastic distal vagina. Case report.

[Ed. note: There is no abstract, so we're including most of the original article below. It's a bit long, but trust us--it's worth the read!]

“Case report:
The patient was a 15-year-old girl employed in a local bar. She was admitted to hospital after a knife fight involving her, a former lover and a new boyfriend. Who stabbed whom was not quite clear but all three participants in the small war were admitted with knife injuries.

The girl had some minor lacerations of the left hand and a single stab-wound in the upper abdomen. Under general anaesthesia, laparotomy was performed through an upper midline abdominal incision to reveal two holes in the stomach. These two wounds had resulted from the single stab-wound through the abdominal wall. The two defects were repaired in two layers. The stomach was noted empty at the time of surgery and no gastric contents were seen in the abdomen. Nevertheless, the abdominal cavity was lavaged with normal saline before closure. The condition of the patient improved rapidly following routine postoperative care and she was discharged home after 10 days.

Precisely 278 days later the patient was admitted again to hospital with acute, intermittent abdominal pain. Abdominal examination revealed a term pregnancy with a cephalic fetal presentation. The uterus was contracting regularly and the fetal heart was heard. Inspection of the vulva showed no vagina, only a shallow skin dimple was present below the external urethral meatus and between the labia minora. An emergency lower segment caesarean section was performed under spinal anaesthesia and a live male infant weighing 2800 g was born…

…While closing the abdominal wall, curiosity could not be contained any longer and the patient was interviewed with the help of a sympathetic nursing sister. The whole story did not become completely clear during that day but, with some subsequent inquiries, the whole saga emerged.

The patient was well aware of the fact that she had no vagina and she had started oral experiments after disappointing attempts at conventional intercourse. Just before she was stabbed in the abdomen she had practiced fellatio with her new boyfriend and was caught in the act by her former lover. The fight with knives ensued. She had never had a period and there was no trace of lochia after the caesarean section. She had been worried about the increase in her abdominal size but could not believe she was pregnant although it had crossed her mind more often as her girth increased and as people around her suggested that she was pregnant. She did recall several episodes of lower abdominal pain during the previous year. The young mother, her family, and the likely father adapted themselves rapidly to the new situation and some cattle changed hands to prove that there were no hard feelings.

Comments
A plausible explanation for this pregnancy is that spermatozoa gained access to the reproductive organs via the injured gastrointestinal tract. It is known that spermatozoa do not survive long in an environment with a low pH (Jeffcoate1975), but it is also known that saliva has a high pH and that a starved person does not produce acid under normal circumstances (Bernards & Bouman 1976). It is likely that the patient became pregnant with her first or nearly first ovulation otherwise one would expect that inspissated blood in the uterus and salpinges would have made fertilization difficult. The fact that the son resembled the father excludes an even more miraculous conception.”

Original article can be seen HERE

February 2nd, 2010 by IamDraven

For those who don’t know, I’m a HUGE Scooby Doo fan. I just got this from one of my mailing lists, and IT MADE MY DAY!

My favorite parts are the R.I.P. S(haggy) F(red) & D(aphne) and Scooby snacking on the zombie arm!

January 31st, 2010 by IamDraven

Ok, I don’t get to watch too much TV, so when I do, it’s ‘quality’ at least by my standards.  My favorites are Bones and Glee, and pretty much any original series USA comes up with.  TNT’s closer is a personal favorite too.  When I saw a promo for MTV’s The Buried Life I thought “this could be great, or another Jersey Shore.”  (Note, I’ve never watched Jersey Shore but the way it appears in other mainstream media makes me nauseous.)  The show’s tagline is:

1 question.  4 guys.  100 Things to do before you die.

The episode I finally cleaned out of Erik’s DVR tonight was EPISODE 1: The Buried Life crew arrives in Los Angeles to cross off number 6 — “attend a party at the Playboy Mansion”. The guys attempt to sneak into the Mansion as uninvited guests. While in LA, they also get an opportunity to help a group of underprivileged kids by providing their classroom with a new computer.

The episode was funny, insane, entertaining and heartwarming.  When they met with a charter school’s 5th grade class one of the girls said her wish was to adopt a child someday.  And there, watching MTV I started crying.  When I saw a promo about helping another man find his son I knew I couldn’t watch the second episode tonight.  Oh how I wish my hometown would be on there to visit list and they could help my find my biological mother.  (Which is high on my list). I’ve had my ‘bucket list’ for a while and by each birthday I’d try to do at least 10 things off it.  (I usually did this in my birthday blog on MySpace) and a few years ago found 43 Things which is an on line bucket list.  I wasn’t on it for a bit due to it being blocked at work, but I need to head over to it to update some accomplishments, and figure out what else I want to do with my life.

If you’re curious, my 43 Things is HERE and the guy’s list is HERE

BTW, the boys are on Twitter too.  Follow them HERE

January 31st, 2010 by IamDraven

As promised, here’s the picture from January 19th of Erik’s custom made “Legend of Zelda” cake.  I have a lovely video of him blowing out the candles, but I made him wear a ridiculous hat, and the only ay I could get proof was if I swore not to post it on my blog, or online at all.  Since I am a woman of my word, you get just the cake.

My friend (and coworker) Julie has a side business making cakes.  For those who saw the awesomeness that was my Dr. Seuss like birthday cake, she was the mastermind behind that.  (Chocolate cake, strawberry cream filling and marshmallow fondant since she knew I don’t like icing!)  Erik’s was chocolate cake with cookie dough filling and decorated with the triforce symbol from the Legend of Zelda games.  Julie does absolutely amazing work, and I was bowled over by the cake and Erik was pretty stoked that I got him a Zelda cake.  If you’re looking for a cake to be made, get in touch with me and I’ll get you her contact info.

January 29th, 2010 by IamDraven

In my quest for mental peace I am going to blog.  I am not normally a violent person, but lately one of my coworkers instills fantasies of violence against them.  Pushing the stapler through her face, or even stapling her lips shut so I don’t have to hear that high pitched giggle that annoys everyone.  I understand that she’s not socially adept, and she tries so hard that she makes people grit their teeth, I even feel bad that she will probably die a virgin. 

That however leave no excuse for making up stories and lies about other people just to have something to talk about, or not even knowing how to do something, and questioning the person who does.  I’m really frustrated and using this for part of a vent.  I’ll continue to have my blood soaked fantasies and then get over it.

Muah hah hah…

January 24th, 2010 by IamDraven

My week 3 photo was going to be of Erik blowing out the candles on his custom birthday cake I had made for him.  But, I am an idiot, and left my camera at his apartment.  I’m also in the middle of a 7 day work streak, so I won’t be at his place again until the end of week 4 of this project.  So I apoligize, week 3 is greatly delayed already.  

Here is a photo I took with my camera phone from inside my car yesterday morning.  Since there are no school buses to deal with on the weekends I waited for my defroster to do the dirty work instead of my usual scraping away at the ice.  I tried to get a photo of the ice pattern on my window and while I was playing around with those photos I realized the sun was rising and tried to get shot of that instead.  I got a shot off right as the sun was starting to peek out behind the trees in my backyard. 

January 23, 2010 7:04 am

January 24th, 2010 by IamDraven

My friend Joan works at the local paper and also has a blog for them based on life in York County.  Joan and I are both ‘York Countians’ and even went to high school together ( I regret to inform you she is several years YOUNGER than me ::sigh:: ) and met long before that at ‘church camp’ at Camp Penn when we were preteens. 

Now that you’ve stopped laughing about the fact that I went to church camp, I’ll continue with the post.

I was reading her archives and found one where she visited the Sloganizer that generates corporate slogans based around what words you enter.

For her name hers was “PREPARE TO WANT JOAN”

The link already had York filled in so my first one was:

“Who do you want to share a York with?” 

Because I’m a glutton for punishment, I did my name.  I did it 3 times just in case they’re weren’t funny.

Oh my…  I got:

“Tracey-Lickin’ Good”
“Make it a Tracey Night”
“Prepare to want Tracey”

So I figured I’d run though some of your names.  Now I know from my tracker that a good many people read this, but don’t comment so I’m going with my most loyal commenters. 

“Nothing comes between me and my ERIK”

“Because so much is riding on your JACQUE”

” Nobody better lay a finger on my FURY”

“Probably the best JOAN in the world.”

Get out there and ahve fun with it.  Leave me your first or best as a comment!

January 10th, 2010 by IamDraven

I left my camera at Erik’s so I used my Blackberry and I’m posting a little late.  Erik wouldn’t let me take a photo of him without putting his hand in front of his face.  So, because of that, let me introduce you to MoJo.

I gave Erik a stuffed monkey as somewhat of a gag gift.  He named in JoJo and it sits on his entertainment center in his room.  Shortly after my Bell’s Palsy struck we were at the Frederick Mall and he came out of Hallmark grinning like a lunatic and carrying a bag.  Inside was MoJo  (yes, so they are MoJo JoJo) Yes, it’s somewhat corny or tacky, but it’s one of the silly little things that makes me adore him, even when he’s pissing me off by tickling me.

January 7th, 2010 by IamDraven

Is anyone else having a craptastic 2010 so far? 

After spending $255 for TWO new laser cut, computer chipped keys for my SUV (AAA covered $50 of it, and when you have that kind of key, they need to make TWO of them) Erik found my one original working key that worked it’s way off his bent key ring and into his back seat while he went to a meeting on New Years Day. 

So after panic, nausea, and one episode of vomiting (notice I didn’t even drink this NYE) I am just completely annoyed and missing a days pay from when I  had to call off work because I couldn’t start my SUV telepathically.  So now I have FOUR keys for my SUV.  Let me break it down for you:

TWO keys that open and start the SUV.

ONE that used to open and start the SUV that will now only open it after having the other TWO keys made.

ONE that was supposed to open and start the SUV, but was made wrong so it only opened the doors.  Because that key was made wrong (and the dealership closed right after we got the car at auction) was the reason I had to shell out the $ for the TWO keys instead of just having Erik drive me to my parents to pick up a spare key.

(Not to mention the $65 spent for a new remote clicker that neither us have been able to program with the instructions the dealership gave us)

At the same time Erik is busy taking it like a man from the Maryland MVA.  (Jacque, girl I keep telling him he needs to check out your blog or contact you to share drama and see if you have any info that might help him). 

My check engine light also came on during my drive to MD Christmas day.  When I start the SUV it sounds like the engine wants to jump out of the hood, or else give up and turn back off.  After a few minutes though it sounds fine and runs as well as it usually does.  The diagnostic machine said it’s a cylinder 4 misfire, meaning it was a spark plug or wire issue, but my mechanic thinks it might just be water frozen in the lines.  The problem only started on the day it was 4 below 0, and the car did sit for the 13 months between the previous owner’s brain injury and me buying it.  He gave me a few cans of dry gas to put in it to run though and see if it helps.  If not, it will be at least $100 for him to start digging in there.  I’ve gone to my mechanic my whole life and he’s a friend of my Dad’s.  For him to charge me $100, I could only imagine what it would cost at another garage or the dealership.

So, obviously we’re both stressed out and it’s affecting our relationship, but I have faith that we’re bigger than our respective clusterfucks and will make it through this.  Holy crap, I just turned into Suzy Freaking Sunshine there for a minute.  On that note, I’m out!