‘Apparently Your Boobs Actually Made Me Retarded For A Minute…’
August 11th, 2010 by IamDraven
*DISCLAIMER*
I realize this shit is long. Believe me, I already cut out parts of the conversation that didn’t really fit and I had to reformat the whole damn thing from a copy and pasted IM and change our real IM names to our nicknames for privacy. I’m going to remove the rest of the timestamps and color code our text as I am able, but I’ve been getting enough emails that I needed to let you see the end of the “Chasing Amy’ saga. So here it is:
ChasingAmy: think I might be the biggest asshole on the planet
Draven: Think? Dude, I know you are.
ChasingAmy: I might have a photo of your bra in my phone that I forgot I took…
ChasingAmy: so i thought nothing of opening my images with her looking over my shoulder
Draven (10:26:34 PM): just me wearing my bra?
Draven (10:26:36 PM): OH FUCK
ChasingAmy (10:26:43 PM): OH FUCK
Draven (10:27:22 PM): is it just the bra or me wearing the bra
Draven (10:27:25 PM): you didn’t answer that
Draven (10:27:35 PM): IS MY FACE VISIBLE
ChasingAmy (10:27:35 PM): it’s you from like belly to neck
ChasingAmy (10:28:27 PM): it’s gone now, but significant damage is done that i’m praying is reparable
ChasingAmy (10:28:36 PM): no face
Draven (10:28:41 PM): yeah
Draven (10:28:44 PM): how’d that go over
ChasingAmy (10:29:09 PM): as you might expect…the real issue is that i panicked when she asked me what it was and lied at first
Draven (10:29:19 PM): un huh
ChasingAmy (10:29:40 PM): being no dummy, she knew i was lying..so when i told her a version of the truth, it really blew up
Draven (10:29:50 PM): what was the version
Draven (10:29:54 PM): does she know it’s me?
ChasingAmy (10:30:01 PM): yeah, she knows its you
Draven (10:30:32 PM): motherfucker
Draven (10:30:34 PM): what the hell
ChasingAmy (10:31:06 PM): i didn’t tell her i took it
Draven (10:31:09 PM): If I could reach through this laptop right now I swear to God
ChasingAmy (10:32:13 PM): i told her we chatted and sent pics
Draven (10:32:11 PM): so she thinks I somehow took this photo of myself and sent it to you?
Draven (10:32:19 PM): I don’t DO that
ChasingAmy (10:32:24 PM): she didn’t get a great look at it
Draven (10:32:27 PM): I can’t believe you
Draven (10:32:43 PM): that is not in my everyday repoitoire
ChasingAmy (10:32:52 PM): yeah…me neither
ChasingAmy (10:34:07 PM): of all the dumb things…i literally have no recollection of taking that picture
Draven (10:34:06 PM): yeah
Draven (10:34:12 PM): how’d that go over shithead
Draven (10:34:26 PM): well I didn’t know you took it either or I would have made you erase it
ChasingAmy (10:34:53 PM): i know
ChasingAmy(10:35:14 PM): it’s a mess, but it’s my mess
Draven (10:35:23 PM): but you lied about the mess and implicated me
Draven (10:35:33 PM): in something I didn’t even know existed
ChasingAmy (10:35:50 PM): and i’m very sorry
Draven (10:36:05 PM): I’m not a homewrecker but I’m being made out to be one
ChasingAmy (10:36:45 PM): not really
ChasingAmy (10:37:55 PM): i’m sorry
Draven (10:38:17 PM): doesn’t really fix things does it
Draven (10:38:32 PM): you did one seemingly innocent thing and pissed off the two women in your life
Draven (10:38:36 PM): way to go captain idiot
ChasingAmy (10:38:45 PM): yeah..i know
Draven (10:39:00 PM): how much did she blow up
ChasingAmy (10:39:05 PM): and now i’m on a air matress in my dad’s basement hoping to hell i can fix it
ChasingAmy (10:40:07 PM): i just wanted to tell you that it happened…honestly, she is pissed at me for lying about the picture
Draven (10:40:15 PM): what was the lie originally
ChasingAmy (10:40:50 PM): not a good one…i played dumb..i didn’t have a lot of time to react
ChasingAmy (10:42:23 PM): if anything…this probably uncomplicates your life since i’ll either be atoning until i’m dead or miserably out of commission
Draven (10:43:10 PM): uncomplicates my life?
Draven (10:43:26 PM): there’s a woman who is daydreaming about doing me bodily harm
Draven (10:43:31 PM): and she doesn’t even know the truth
ChasingAmy (10:43:33 PM): keep in mind, i have not nor would i ever admit anything beyond what i’ve told you
ChasingAmy (10:43:49 PM): she isn’t doing anyone bodily harm
ChasingAmy (10:44:15 PM): if she didn’t punch me in the face today, she isn’t going to
Draven (10:45:10 PM): well if she doesn’t know you cheated then she’ll probably take you back
ChasingAmy (10:46:38 PM): i hope so…typical guy…can’t realize how much things mean until you maybe throw them away
Draven (10:46:54 PM): well maybe you do love her then
ChasingAmy (10:47:08 PM): great time to come to that conclusion
Draven (10:47:13 PM): yeah well
Draven (10:47:23 PM): maybe you’ll get married and shit now
ChasingAmy (10:47:33 PM): never getting married
Draven (10:47:41 PM): i hope to God you removed my number from your phone
ChasingAmy (10:47:47 PM): i did
ChasingAmy (10:47:56 PM): i removed all traces of you
Draven (10:47:59 PM): good
ChasingAmy (10:48:07 PM): email, phone, twitter
Draven (10:48:07 PM): well thanks
Draven (10:48:10 PM): I feel great
ChasingAmy (10:48:15 PM): i completely closed myspace
Draven (10:48:32 PM): first my fever broke now you have me so pissed off I don’t even feel sick anymore
ChasingAmy (10:49:38 PM): i did what i could with a bad situation…if she takes me back, it means she has forgiven it…if she doesn’t, i don’t think we’ll be friends
Draven (10:49:52 PM): she’ll take you back
Draven (10:50:00 PM): no offense, but she’s 40, angry and chubby. I’ve SEEN her. It’s no wonder you want to rip my clothes off every time you see me, lol.
Draven (10:50:06 PM): you’re her best shot
ChasingAmy (10:50:10 PM): non taken
ChasingAmy (10:51:30 PM): how is your lovelife?
Draven (10:51:59 PM): oh my God
Draven (10:52:05 PM): if I could reach through here right now
ChasingAmy (10:52:15 PM): i’m asking innocently
Draven (10:52:17 PM): ‘hey, let’s hook up while you’re tempoarily single so you’ll have no guilt’
ChasingAmy (10:52:22 PM): obviously i’m can’t still be chasing you
Draven (10:52:26 PM): no shit. I was being sarcastic about the hooking up
ChasingAmy (10:52:38 PM): i am not temporarily single
ChasingAmy (10:52:47 PM): i am very much on probation
Draven (10:53:01 PM): well then no worries she’s taking you back if she didn’t dump you on sight
ChasingAmy (10:54:30 PM): two things, though…you might want to make your myspace private and make a new tweet that will subplant the current
Draven (10:54:42 PM): i thought it was private
Draven (10:54:50 PM): subplant?
ChasingAmy (10:55:51 PM): only the current tweet seems to stay up on myspace.
Draven (10:56:05 PM): i didn’t even know it was synced
Draven (10:56:12 PM): I didn’t even tweet today
ChasingAmy (10:56:37 PM): maybe not a tweet…the line that comes up here
Draven (10:57:26 PM): um, nothing shows up on my end?
ChasingAmy (10:57:31 PM): ok
Draven (10:57:34 PM): and according to my settings my page is private
ChasingAmy(10:58:20 PM): like i said, i deleted the whole account….she might click through my friends, but i don’t even think she knows a last name to search you
Draven (10:58:30 PM): my last name isn’t lissted
ChasingAmy (10:58:37 PM): ok
Draven (10:58:55 PM): ah, I see it now
Draven (10:59:05 PM): that didn’t involve you but I can see how paranoia might ensue
ChasingAmy (10:59:29 PM): i’m giving you a heads up because you are implicated, but i’m 99 percent certain the blowback on this is coming right back in my face
Draven (10:59:43 PM): as rightly it should
ChasingAmy (10:59:52 PM): i know
ChasingAmy (11:00:02 PM): of all the dumb things
ChasingAmy (11:00:24 PM): why would i even take a picture? i never look at pictures in my phone
Draven (11:00:35 PM): i don’t know
Draven (11:00:40 PM): Lancaster was mostly a bad night
ChasingAmy (11:00:51 PM): yeah?
Draven (11:00:55 PM): yeah
Draven (11:00:56 PM): my phone locked in the room? remember?
ChasingAmy (11:01:03 PM): right
Draven (11:01:02 PM): you taking photos of me without me knowing
ChasingAmy (11:01:22 PM): you’re facing me though…i’m not sure how you didn’t know
Draven (11:01:33 PM): was I changing?
Draven (11:01:46 PM): I was trashed when we got there
Draven (11:01:52 PM): but I was sober, but distracted when we left
ChasingAmy (11:01:55 PM): i think so, you must have been changing…i honestly didn’t have a lot of time to look at it before i deleted it
ChasingAmy (11:02:22 PM): it was probably when we both got there trashed, when such a thing would seem like a good idea
Draven (11:02:32 PM): you were cheating
Draven (11:02:37 PM): therefore photos of me were never a good idea
ChasingAmy (11:03:35 PM): yeah…i am very aware of this, and considering i almost never take photos, i could kill myself for coming to the ridiculous conclusion that that was the time…fine tits or no
Draven (11:03:47 PM): well, thanks for the backhanded compliment
ChasingAmy (11:04:16 PM): nothing backhanded…apparently your boobs actually made me retarded for a minute
Draven (11:04:40 PM): lmfao
ChasingAmy (11:06:09 PM): the one thing further complicates matters is that there is a history between us, and she is reading that as i was interested in moving on, even if only in my mind
Draven (11:06:36 PM): ah
Draven (11:06:46 PM): well, explain to her we were both closing a chapter?
Draven (11:06:52 PM): not creating a new one together?
ChasingAmy (11:07:12 PM): yeah…i’m not sure how to proceed or how much more i’m going to have to tell.
Draven (11:07:26 PM): maybe you should leave out that she and I have the same birthday and the morning of our shared birthday you were out having sex with me while she was at work?
ChasingAmy (11:07:40 PM): all sex will be left out
Draven (11:07:52 PM): tell her I was upset abotu Erik
Draven (11:07:56 PM): you took me out to get me trashed
Draven (11:08:07 PM): and we made bad decisions based on said alcohol after we got home
Draven (11:08:12 PM): that way we don’t look so bad
Draven (11:08:16 PM): it doesn’t look planned
ChasingAmy (11:08:22 PM): there in lies the rub…i can’t actually be friends with you
Draven (11:08:29 PM): now, or prior?
Draven (11:08:36 PM): both?
ChasingAmy (11:08:39 PM): not in the last two years
Draven (11:08:44 PM): why not?
ChasingAmy (11:10:06 PM): because then this was a thing that developed and i have actually gotten together with you in what would only be construed as flirty circumstances culminating in this photo…then suddenly it might be that i took the photo
Draven (11:10:39 PM): ah
Draven (11:10:48 PM): um, we ran into each other at a bar?
Draven (11:10:59 PM): do you go out on your own normally?
ChasingAmy (11:11:23 PM): i do, but because of how she and i got together, that isn’t always a great time, either
Draven (11:11:34 PM): well I’m trying to think here. This is YOUR fuck up that I have to help clean up now.
Draven (11:11:47 PM): trying to help you make up something believeable from a woman’s point of view
ChasingAmy (11:11:50 PM): i went with the complete online version
Draven (11:11:57 PM): which is?
ChasingAmy (11:12:29 PM): you had a horrible breakup, sent me a message, we chatted a bit and it got silly
Draven (11:12:34 PM): ok
Draven (11:12:39 PM): which is based in truth
Draven (11:12:44 PM): where did I send you a message
Draven (11:12:46 PM): myspace?
ChasingAmy (11:12:54 PM): hotmail
Draven (11:12:56 PM): email
Draven (11:12:57 PM): ok
Draven (11:13:09 PM): I get by with drunken emailing
Draven (11:13:21 PM): I did hole up at my best friends house with a case of woodchuck and blog
ChasingAmy (11:13:33 PM): you’ve always had my number since my number hasn’t changed for 10 years
ChasingAmy (11:13:38 PM): when?
Draven (11:13:41 PM): it probably will now
Draven (11:13:44 PM): the day I got dumped
ChasingAmy (11:13:57 PM): can you please not blog about this?
Draven (11:14:00 PM): that day I got a hold of her by magic and she was at her ex husbands with the kids
Draven (11:14:30 PM): I spent a few days in airville with no cell phone service and drunk so this is honestly all completely plausible
Draven (11:14:35 PM): you mean in case she finds my blog?
ChasingAmy (11:15:47 PM): yeah
ChasingAmy (11:16:07 PM): i don’t really think she’s going to traipse around the net looking, but all the same
Draven (11:16:17 PM): yeah well, let me put it this way
Draven (11:16:22 PM): I’m going to blog about it
ChasingAmy (11:16:25 PM): at least maybe give it a few days to see how things shake out
Draven (11:16:27 PM): it own’t be pretty
Draven (11:16:37 PM): but I’ll leave it private for a bit to blow over
ChasingAmy (11:16:45 PM): ok
ChasingAmy (11:16:58 PM): can you give me a heads up about that?
Draven (11:17:04 PM): why
ChasingAmy (11:17:13 PM): courtesy
Draven (11:17:24 PM): k
Draven (11:18:32 PM): if i were you thought I’d probably not want to read it
ChasingAmy (11:18:51 PM): i’ll read it…i’m a big boy.
ChasingAmy (11:19:30 PM): who can take a perfectly good electric flirtation and turn it into collossal shit Draven
(11:19:47 PM): yeah Draven
(11:19:54 PM): you’ve got the anti midas touch
Draven (11:19:59 PM): you turn everything to shit
ChasingAmy (11:20:01 PM): this i do
ChasingAmy (11:20:11 PM): aren’t you glad you didn’t end up with me
Draven (11:20:22 PM): aren’t you glad I didn’t end up with you
ChasingAmy (11:22:27 PM): but i am seriously asking with no ulterior motives if things are going well for you (tangental connection to my misery not-with-standing)
Draven (11:22:29 PM): because you’d be wearing a toe tag right now
Draven (11:22:41 PM): no
Draven (11:22:48 PM): things are not going well for me right now thank you very much C
hasingAmy (11:23:17 PM): what’s wrong aside from captain dipshit here?
Draven (11:23:44 PM): I don’t even know if it’s safe to have this converstaion with you
Draven (11:23:48 PM): have you been drinking?
ChasingAmy (11:23:53 PM): not a drop
Draven (11:23:58 PM): cause when we talk late at night you MAKE ME CRY
ChasingAmy (11:24:43 PM): this brush with calamity has suggested to me that the whiskey should probably take a backseat and never be consumed alone
Draven (11:24:52 PM): yeah
ChasingAmy (11:25:21 PM): a better person is going to come out the end of this if there is indeed an end to this
Draven (11:25:29 PM): well, then maybe it was all for the best
Draven (11:25:38 PM): there’s an end either way
Draven (11:25:50 PM): it’s just a question of if it’s the end you want
ChasingAmy (11:26:23 PM): the end i want is a second chance to not be an asshole
Draven (11:26:37 PM): yeah well I think you’ll get it
Draven (11:26:54 PM): just don’t ever forget that your second chance is still based in lies
Draven (11:27:02 PM): and because of that I have to lose one of my best friends
ChasingAmy (11:27:14 PM): i know
Draven (11:27:16 PM): and maybe that’s selfish of me, but so be it
ChasingAmy (11:27:51 PM): you are talking to captain selfish…this whole mess is me being selfish
Draven (11:28:14 PM): yeah
Draven (11:28:19 PM): maybe I can learn a lesson from you
Draven (11:28:29 PM): keep myself from being hurt by anyone, just be a selfish bitch from now on
Draven (11:28:33 PM): go back to being the ice queen
ChasingAmy (11:30:07 PM): i was in a fine situation that i honestly don’t find lacking (contrary to the claims of most cheats) and the only reason i started this thing with you was for pure pleasure…that is the definition of selfish
Draven (11:30:16 PM): yeah
Draven (11:30:23 PM): I started it to end it
Draven (11:30:29 PM): I had different reasons
ChasingAmy (11:32:05 PM): i was driven by pure lust, which is a toxic mixer with cheap bourbon…a thing that caught me off guard because i’m usually not that much of a man.
ChasingAmy (11:32:21 PM): do you ever watch madmen
Draven (11:32:25 PM): no
ChasingAmy (11:33:24 PM): then it wouldn’t make sense, but i was watching that show the other night and this situation came to me and i realized that i am pete campbell..that is not a good thing to realize
Draven (11:33:40 PM): and who is pete cambell and why are you him
ChasingAmy (11:35:06 PM): he’s weasely and selfish…in this episode, his wife is away for the weekend and he bangs the german nanny downstairs….it goes unstated, but he knows and she knows and they look at eachother and he says “don’t ever go away again.”
ChasingAmy (11:35:11 PM): pathetic
Draven (11:39:04 PM): yeah D
raven (11:39:13 PM): to be honest if I man cheats with you it’s likely he will cheat on you, and you cheated on your wife with her.
Draven (11:39:25 PM): known fact
Draven (11:39:35 PM): which is why I never even imagined that you and I would work out
ChasingAmy (11:41:20 PM): well, i’m hoping there can be one more attempt and that i don’t have any more gnawing curiosities out there
Draven (11:41:40 PM): well, you claimed that you always wanted to know about us
Draven (11:41:46 PM): so now you know
ChasingAmy (11:41:56 PM): know i do
Draven (11:41:55 PM): you can carry out the rest of your life never wondering
ChasingAmy (11:42:57 PM): the worst thing in the time that you’ve been finding more fitting suitors is that i always hoped there would be one more time
Draven (11:43:17 PM): more fitting?
Draven (11:43:25 PM): you mean like the one who’s girlfriend LETS him cheat?
ChasingAmy (11:43:42 PM): is that Cane?
Draven (11:43:45 PM): no
Draven (11:43:48 PM): that’s G.I. Joe
ChasingAmy (11:44:02 PM): damn…shit’s getting complicated in your world
Draven (11:44:10 PM): what can I say
Draven (11:44:16 PM): apparently I’m a great fuck
Draven (11:44:26 PM): Like you said there’s always suitors, just a question of them being ‘more fitting’ in your words
ChasingAmy (11:44:31 PM): you are damn sexy, it’s no wonder
ChasingAmy (11:44:59 PM): well, get away from dating sites
Draven (11:45:06 PM): I’m not ON dating sites
Draven (11:45:11 PM): I dated G.I. Joe before
Draven (11:45:15 PM): when I was in Lancaster
ChasingAmy (11:45:19 PM): oh
Draven (11:45:22 PM): I work with his brother
Draven (11:45:42 PM): his brother was one of my best friends but I dont’ see him much since I transferred and we work opposite shifts
Draven (11:45:55 PM): Cane, that boy confuses me
ChasingAmy (11:46:00 PM): obviously i’m not going to have any good advice
Draven (11:46:03 PM): and how I feel about him confuses me
ChasingAmy (11:46:07 PM): why’s that?
Draven (11:46:06 PM): I wasn’t looking for any advice
ChasingAmy (11:46:57 PM): it normally finds you when you’re not looking
Draven (11:47:13 PM): and I wasn’t looking for a new boyfriend
ChasingAmy (11:47:15 PM): ok
ChasingAmy (11:47:23 PM): then vent away as you see fit
Draven (11:47:25 PM): I wasn’t looking to date ever again
ChasingAmy (11:47:54 PM): i don’t think that that is a viable approach for you
Draven (11:48:06 PM): why not?
ChasingAmy (11:48:32 PM): you seem to naturally get involved, You may not be looking for it but it always finds you.
ChasingAmy (11:49:37 PM): no…i can’t picture you being a wife with kids, but i also don’t think that you can be a playa as the street cats put it
Draven (11:50:00 PM): thank you
Draven (11:50:08 PM): that’s the first time someone has said that
ChasingAmy (11:50:22 PM): is this sarcasm?
Draven (11:50:24 PM): no
ChasingAmy (11:50:30 PM): ok C
hasingAmy (11:50:33 PM): you are welcome
Draven (11:50:37 PM): I’m told by guys all the time that I’d be such a good wife someday
ChasingAmy (11:51:20 PM): what do you want?
Draven (11:51:30 PM): to be happy
ChasingAmy (11:52:11 PM): as do we all
Draven (11:52:24 PM): I’d maybe like to be a wife and Mother
Draven (11:52:30 PM): but I’d like to do it on my on terms
ChasingAmy (11:52:55 PM): it sounds like you need to shoot for older dudes
Draven (11:53:04 PM): I’m already 30
Draven (11:53:13 PM): and I’m not out looking for that
Draven (11:53:19 PM): if the right guy came along, I’d do it
ChasingAmy (11:53:37 PM): fair enough…but i think that might be an ideal situation if you could find it
Draven (11:53:46 PM): I don’t think I can find it
Draven (11:53:56 PM): and I’ve resigned myself to such
Draven (11:54:03 PM): it was all I ever wanted when I was younger
Draven (11:54:10 PM): but I grew up much different than I’d planned
ChasingAmy (11:54:56 PM): because no offense to Cane, but a partially employed guy living with his parents is putting yourself into a deep hole in terms of realizing those family dreams
Draven (11:55:13 PM): he’s fully employeed but he pays child support, it’s not like he’s blowing his money on stupid shit. And I live with my parents too
ChasingAmy (11:55:22 PM): ok…sorry
ChasingAmy (11:55:36 PM): but is still an obstacle D
raven (11:55:46 PM): yeah
Draven (11:55:53 PM): everything about Cane is an obstacle
ChasingAmy (11:57:43 PM): if i can’t fix my shit, i’m going to be a partially employed guy living with my parents
Draven (11:57:55 PM): but with no kids
ChasingAmy (11:58:05 PM): or more likely renting a room from that woman in east end
Draven (11:59:20 PM): lmfao
Draven (11:59:25 PM): you’ll be going back to Lancaster
Draven (11:59:36 PM): and I’ll never see/talk to you again
Draven (11:59:40 PM): there go all my summer movies, now I have no one to hit the theater with
ChasingAmy (12:00:08 AM): i hope so…i really have a broken heart today
ChasingAmy (12:00:55 AM): i haven’t done much other than cry and puke
Draven (12:01:04 AM): that’s sad
ChasingAmy (12:01:39 AM): i can’t keep food down
Draven (12:01:41 AM): but I’d be lying if I didn’t hold a small ammount of glee in that
ChasingAmy (12:01:50 AM): you’re allowed
Draven (12:03:41 AM): I’m going to be selfish
ChasingAmy (12:03:51 AM): ok
Draven (12:03:53 AM): and turn the conversation back to me
ChasingAmy (12:04:04 AM): please do
Draven (12:04:20 AM): as far as Cane goes…
Draven (12:05:45 AM): I don’t know if I’m trying because I know it will fail and that makes it safe for me
Draven (12:05:53 AM): or I’m trying because I really do care that much about him
ChasingAmy (12:06:44 AM): is your concern incompetency?
Draven (12:06:50 AM): no
Draven (12:07:02 AM): my concern is I told him I don’t want to push anything. I’m so afraid to move forward I’m second guessing everything.
Draven (12:07:06 AM): I told him that I want to be ‘friends’
Draven (12:07:12 AM): and he’s ok with that too
Draven (12:07:19 AM): I don’t want to jump into it and rebound from Erik
Draven (12:07:26 AM): and he feels the same
ChasingAmy (12:07:49 AM): ok
ChasingAmy (12:08:12 AM): didn’t take you a few months to turn the corner with that guy?
Draven (12:08:22 AM): huh?
ChasingAmy (12:10:14 AM): Erik
Draven (12:10:26 AM): 6 months from insignificant other to GF
ChasingAmy (12:10:28 AM): wasn’t that friends with benefits for a long time?
Draven (12:12:00 AM): we were never really friends to start with
Draven (12:12:05 AM): it was a blind date
ChasingAmy (12:12:11 AM): ok
Draven (12:14:56 AM): He was with Baby Mama 5 years. He told me that me wanting to be ‘friends’ gives him time to figure things out
Draven (12:15:00 AM): he’s never been single long
Draven (12:15:18 AM): and if it gave us time for things to work out between us so be it
Draven (12:15:25 AM): and he talks to everyone about me
Draven (12:15:32 AM): he talks to the guys on xbox about me
Draven (12:15:36 AM): the guys at work know about me D
raven (12:16:28 AM): and he asked me to go see Buzzy’s band in September with him and I’m freaking out about that far in advance.
ChasingAmy (12:16:59 AM): well…that’s sort of how plans work
Draven (12:17:25 AM): PLANS MEAN WE WILL STILL BE SPENDING TIME TOGETHER THAT FAR IN ADVANCE
Draven (12:17:37 AM): and who does that freak out? ME!
ChasingAmy (12:17:48 AM): at least together enough to go to a show
Draven (12:18:35 AM): his Mom called me his girlfriend today
Draven (12:18:39 AM): I quickly corrected her
ChasingAmy (12:18:40 AM): if you’re basically undefined, i don’t see how it matters…people who hang out make plans to do shit
Draven (12:20:56 AM): because I don’t know if I want to be undefined. I don’t know if I want to run. This is NOT the normal me
Draven (12:21:07 AM): I’m hoping that the mind blowing sex is just clouding my sanity
ChasingAmy (12:21:29 AM): well, it is kind of early yet
Draven (12:21:33 AM): yeah
Draven (12:21:36 AM): it’s only in a month
Draven (12:21:51 AM): and we’re different people than when we dated before
Draven (12:22:11 AM): when I explained the friend thing I said it wasn’t just about dating him anymore
Draven (12:22:17 AM): I told him he was a ready made family now
Draven (12:22:23 AM): and I didn’t think anything of it
ChasingAmy (12:22:26 AM): keep in mind i only developed one relationship under normal circumanstances and i was 17 at the time
Draven (12:22:37 AM): Today the storm woke me up
Draven (12:22:49 AM): and I ran out in a panic (with my pants on inside out) because my windows were down
Draven (12:23:06 AM): this man gags until he vomits when he changes a poopy diaper
Draven (12:23:22 AM): I heard him retching in the kitchen because we were at his home alone and I was asleep and she needed changed
Draven (12:23:33 AM): I told him he could have woken me up so I could change it for him
Draven (12:24:44 AM): and he said it’s my ready made family, it’s my responsibility
Draven (12:25:14 AM): I must have looked like he hit me because he smiled at me and told me it was ok but I couldn’t believe he remembered that
Draven (12:25:28 AM): Hell, I’m not used to men paying attention to me when I speak, let alone remember what I said
ChasingAmy (12:26:42 AM): yeah…but it’s been a month…that line might be able to fly after diamond jewerly is introduced, and then you have to look carefully at the ring
Draven (12:26:55 AM): lmfao what?
ChasingAmy (12:27:50 AM): and he said it’s my ready made family, it’s my responsibility
ChasingAmy (12:27:55 AM): even as a joke
Draven (12:28:00 AM): yeah
Draven (12:28:08 AM): cause I used that line on him when we had the friend talk I initated
ChasingAmy (12:28:29 AM): ok
Draven (12:28:49 AM): I’m not getting how that and jewelry come into play
ChasingAmy (12:29:58 AM): the ready made family could be considered your responsibiltiy if you offer yourself as mommy, which would require a token of permanence, one would think
Draven (12:30:38 AM): ah, yes. I was just offering to be nice, because I know he doesn’t do well with them
Draven (12:32:12 AM): I’m hoping the sex is just clouding my sanity.
ChasingAmy (12:32:33 AM): well, i’m glad you’re having great sex, anyway
Draven (12:32:32 AM): and it’s that I’m greedy and don’t want to share with anyone
Draven (12:32:39 AM): best sex of my life. Sorry, You were some of the best I’ve ever had, but he IS the best. EVER.
ChasingAmy (12:32:47 AM): very nice
Draven (12:32:49 AM): I seem to want it more than him
Draven (12:33:11 AM): Saturday night I was like look, I bought this underware specifically because it’s they style and color you like, the least I could do is get laid. Then, shit was on, lol. Honestly, all I have to do is ask, so it’s not like there’s an issue with me getting it really.
ChasingAmy (12:33:23 AM): lol
Draven (12:33:30 AM): but he’s been sick the last two weeks so no kissing or oral which is lousy. Just straight up crazy sex
Draven (12:33:45 AM): I am not liking boy shorts so far
ChasingAmy (12:34:02 AM): he requested a switch?
Draven (12:34:02 AM): it’s nice because I can literaly walk around my house in my undies and be cool when my parents are home
Draven (12:34:15 AM): but it feels like a diaper in comparison
Draven (12:34:16 AM): no
Draven (12:34:19 AM): he said mine were fine
Draven (12:34:23 AM): he just likes big asses. He even complained that my ass is getting too toned and doesn’t jiggle enough for him when we do it doggie, lol. He said he has to find a new favorite position with me.
Draven (12:34:35 AM): He mentioned once what really shows them off big asses is white boy shorts and he had a weakness for it
ChasingAmy (12:34:44 AM): i could see that
Draven (12:34:50 AM): I had two pairs I was gifted but never wore
Draven (12:35:08 AM): and I bought a 3 pack at old navy and a white pair at another store
Draven (12:35:15 AM): it could be that I’m misjudging my size
Draven (12:35:21 AM): with the weight loss it’s hit or miss lately
Draven (12:35:36 AM): I seem to be smaller than I think I am
ChasingAmy (12:35:39 AM): right
Draven (12:35:43 AM): cause I’ve lost 19 so far but I still don’t see it
Draven (12:35:55 AM): I mean, the other night my favorite jeans came off with a tug
Draven (12:36:03 AM): while still buttoned and zipped
Draven (12:36:15 AM): and my work clothes fit different but I look in the miror and I don’t see it
ChasingAmy (12:36:35 AM): i lost about 7, but the combination of manual labor and inablitity to keep food down might drop it a few more in the coming days
Draven (12:36:42 AM): true dat
Draven (12:36:52 AM): heartache is a great weight loss plan
Draven (12:37:06 AM): i drank the first few days post break up
Draven (12:37:18 AM): skittelz force fed me half a chicken patty before dosing me with Ambien
ChasingAmy (12:37:20 AM): i’m trying not to drink
Draven (12:37:29 AM): I slept maybe 2 hours with a 10 mg and alcohol in me
ChasingAmy (12:37:46 AM): i did take ambien…that walrus has been lurking for about an hour now
Draven (12:37:52 AM): lmfao. I’m so glad I have someone to share that joke with
Draven (12:37:58 AM): but I’m still angry with you
Draven (12:38:05 AM): but I’m a little sad for you too
ChasingAmy (12:38:08 AM): understood
ChasingAmy (12:38:29 AM): you can be angry, but please don’t manifest that anger in anything that can do more damage
Draven (12:38:46 AM): I’m not going to call LGH and ask for her and tell her the truth if that’s what you’re afraid of
ChasingAmy (12:38:55 AM): i know
Draven (12:39:09 AM): I didn’t go into this intending to break you up so I could have you for myself
ChasingAmy (12:39:11 AM): the burden of secrets
Draven (12:39:16 AM): yeah
Draven (12:39:23 AM): I’m going to have to be your ‘Rat’ like the Potter’s had for the rest of your life
ChasingAmy (12:39:24 AM): i know…we were very clear on that
Draven (12:39:33 AM): and because of that I also have to lose you as my friend
Draven (12:39:35 AM): for real this time
ChasingAmy (12:39:54 AM): we can still chat here, but the drinks are probably out
Draven (12:40:04 AM): Now I’m always going to think of you when I see Harry Potter, lol
Draven (12:40:15 AM): yeah, you drinking with me around is bad
ChasingAmy (12:40:20 AM): i dug myself a terrible hole
Draven (12:40:23 AM): I can control myself, but you have some lacking there
ChasingAmy (12:40:52 AM): that last night at cobble’s, i swear i was fine with getting in the car and going home, and then you kissed me
Draven (12:41:00 AM): I felt guilty that’s why I kissed you goodbye
ChasingAmy (12:41:18 AM): that’s what i mean…i’m not used to being driven by pure lust like that
Draven (12:41:34 AM): I guess I should take that as a compliment but it feels more like a slam
ChasingAmy (12:41:43 AM): it’s not
Draven (12:42:04 AM): You were rubbing my back and eyeing me up the whole time
Draven (12:42:44 AM): and the God’s honest truth?
ChasingAmy (12:43:00 AM): oh well…that is in the past, and i’m sorry that my sudden onset maleness set you to bed crying on two occasions.
ChasingAmy (12:43:03 AM): shoot
Draven (12:43:05 AM): I ended up going to Cane’s after that.
Draven (12:43:13 AM): wasn’t planned
Draven (12:43:20 AM): but he texted me to ask me why I hadn’t stopped over
ChasingAmy (12:43:22 AM): that makes sense
Draven (12:43:48 AM): I couldn’t sleep with him after being that close to you
Draven (12:43:51 AM): but I did go and hang out
Draven (12:44:38 AM): and I take it the walrus is coming for you
Draven (12:44:51 AM): and this time at least you didn’t make me cry the whole time
Draven (12:45:02 AM): but I’ll get the rest of it out of my system before I go back to sleep
ChasingAmy (12:45:08 AM): yeah…tables they be turned this round Draven (12:45:19 AM): ?
ChasingAmy (12:45:30 AM): with the crying to sleep Draven
(12:45:51 AM): ah well, true Draven
(12:45:58 AM): but you were doing that before we talked
Draven (12:46:05 AM): I am not a direct results of that
ChasingAmy (12:46:10 AM): yeah…no cause of you
ChasingAmy (12:47:00 AM): and seriously…i know you need to fume to get your head right, but please take some time before you throw that shit out into the world
Draven (12:47:16 AM): I will
Draven (12:47:27 AM): I’ll wait till I get back from vacation
Draven (12:47:30 AM): how’s that
ChasingAmy (12:47:42 AM): when is that?
Draven (12:47:58 AM): Cane said we’ll get back late evening on the 8th
ChasingAmy (12:48:16 AM): ok…hopefully i’ll know what’s going on by then
Draven (12:48:24 AM): you’ll be back home by then
ChasingAmy (12:48:46 AM): i don’t suppose you could private your last rant?
Draven (12:48:58 AM): which one is that
ChasingAmy (12:49:02 AM): she said i need to go away for the weekend…my figures are crosses
Draven (12:49:06 AM): where you made my head explode?
ChasingAmy (12:49:10 AM): yeah
Draven (12:49:18 AM): I’ll make it private for the time being but I am NOT erasing it.
ChasingAmy (12:54:39 AM): thanks
Draven (12:55:02 AM): yeah
Draven (12:55:06 AM): good luck
ChasingAmy (12:55:12 AM): thanks
ChasingAmy (12:55:20 AM): sorry i dragged you into this in this way
Draven (12:55:25 AM): so am I
Draven (12:55:32 AM): I’m going to pray for you
ChasingAmy (12:55:48 AM): this pagan just might do some praying for himself
Draven (12:55:59 AM): because honestly that’s what I think you need the most
ChasingAmy (12:56:01 AM): whatever will fix this
Draven (12:56:06 AM): look
Draven (12:56:08 AM): it’s fixed
Draven (12:56:13 AM): she’s gonna take your sorry ass back D
raven (12:56:19 AM): I’m a woman
Draven (12:56:22 AM): I know these things
Draven (12:56:36 AM): I’ll get an ‘you were right’ email by monday
ChasingAmy (12:56:37 AM): i’m still putting those odds at 50/50…there could still be more questions.
ChasingAmy (12:57:02 AM): i’m waiting for the phone records to come out
Draven (12:57:12 AM): oh fuck she wants to see them? Because you call me A LOT
ChasingAmy (12:57:38 AM): not yet, but that is a variable that is in play
Draven (12:57:49 AM): PLEASE black my number out
Draven (12:57:50 AM): I like it I don’t want to have to change it
Draven (12:58:19 AM): and I agree
ChasingAmy (12:58:20 AM): i didn’t know this, but her best friend’s husband got into hot water with a cellphone picture
Draven (12:58:26 AM): leave the sex out
Draven (12:58:29 AM): but
Draven (12:58:32 AM): you can tell the truth
Draven (12:58:40 AM): that I had a bad breakup and got a little self destructive
Draven (12:58:46 AM): maybe she can relate to that
ChasingAmy (12:58:52 AM): maybe
ChasingAmy (12:59:03 AM): doesn’t account for me going along
Draven (12:59:08 AM): whiskey baby all whiskey
ChasingAmy (12:59:13 AM): that’s the sticking point here
Draven (12:59:23 AM): blame it on alcohol
ChasingAmy (12:59:38 AM): great answer…i love you, but i happen to want to fuck other chicks when i get drunk
Draven (12:59:45 AM): ooh good point
Draven (12:59:52 AM): well
Draven (12:59:56 AM): you told her you loved her
Draven (12:59:59 AM): maybe that will work
ChasingAmy (1:00:09 AM): it’s all i’ve got right now
Draven (1:00:09 AM): cause she doesn’t know about her ambien break down asking to be loved
Draven (1:00:21 AM): so maybe if you say it first
ChasingAmy (1:00:29 AM): oh yes she does….that came up
Draven (1:00:37 AM): ohhhhhhhhh how’d that go
ChasingAmy (1:00:56 AM): not great. led to a discussion of definitions
Draven (1:01:09 AM): ?
ChasingAmy (1:01:19 AM): what do we mean by love
Draven (1:01:24 AM): hrm ok I thought it was universal
ChasingAmy (1:01:45 AM): i think i’ve gotten to the issue of why i couldn’t say it, but it doesn’t help now
ChasingAmy (1:03:22 AM): seriously, i don’t do a whole lot to deserve friends, but thanks for doing this tonight
Draven (1:03:28 AM): yeah. I agree. You don’t deserve me in any way, shape or form, lol
Draven (1:03:32 AM): proof that despite all I really am one of your best friends, lol.
Draven (1:04:12 AM): now go the fuck to bed
ChasingAmy (1:04:21 AM): what are you doing tomorrow night?
Draven (1:04:28 AM): which tomorrow
Draven (1:04:33 AM): Friday or Saturday
ChasingAmy (1:04:36 AM): friday
Draven (1:04:40 AM): I don’t think anything do you need some time?
ChasingAmy (1:05:00 AM): ok..i was just wondering in case there are any updates
Draven (1:05:04 AM): I can bring tissues and Ben & Jerry’s
Draven (1:05:13 AM): look, J, anytime you need me you can call me
ChasingAmy (1:05:22 AM): she is off tomorrow night, so she will be sitting around in her own head
Draven (1:05:25 AM): that’s the whole point of friends
Draven (1:05:30 AM): sexual history, romantic history or not
Draven (1:05:35 AM): when I needed someone when Erik and I broke up, I called Joan, then you
Draven (1:05:42 AM): and that is not easy for me to do
Draven (1:05:46 AM): admit that I need people
Draven (1:05:55 AM): I like to be self reliant, because you can’t let yourself down
ChasingAmy (1:06:11 AM): i think that i proved that wrong today
Draven (1:06:31 AM): no you didn’t
ChasingAmy (1:06:45 AM): i let myself down big
Draven (1:06:57 AM): maybe this happened for a reason
ChasingAmy (1:07:05 AM): maybe
Draven (1:07:16 AM): if you hadn’t gone retarded and snuck that photo in you might never have realized you actually do love her
ChasingAmy (1:07:40 AM): right
Draven (1:07:46 AM): and like I said
Draven (1:07:49 AM): it’s you or be single
Draven (1:07:55 AM): she’ll take your crazy ass back
ChasingAmy (1:08:14 AM): lol ChasingAmy (1:08:33 AM): ok…good night
ChasingAmy (1:08:41 AM): thanks again for being understanding
Draven (1:08:43 AM): I’ll check in on you tomorrow
Draven (1:08:53 AM): no problem. I’m awesome on so many levels, lol
Draven (1:08:58 AM): NOW GO THE FUCK TO BED
Draven (1:09:08 AM): or the Walrus will eat you alive
Draven (1:09:09 AM): lmfao
Draven (1:09:45 AM): ok, seriously
Draven (1:09:51 AM): GO THE FUCK TO BED
ChasingAmy (1:09:58 AM): good night
- 1 Comment »
- Posted in Regrets, Relationships, Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot
