For those who follow me on Twitter, you know that there’s been some development’s in my ‘case’ on trying to find my biological parents. Since it’s an emotional subject for me, I figured it’d just be easier to document things via my blog. That way I don’t have to explain it 100 times and get choked up every time. So, to get everyone started, here’s some back story:
Just about everyone who knows me should know that I’m adopted. It’s something I share freely. My adoptive parents got me when I was three days old. From the point that I could understand I was told that they wanted a baby very much and when they couldn’t have one they prayed to God and I was heaven sent to them.
The older I got the more was explained to me. I knew that my biological mother was between 18 and 21 and from the York area. My adoption was never contested and being born the year the Philadelphia Phillies won the World Series my Dad always joked that my adoption went through because I was the Phils good luck charm.
I’ve always expressed an interest to know where I was from. I’ve always endured stupid questions like, “What’s your real name” and “What do you call the people who got you?” At this point they would recieve the patented “You’re too stupid to have lived this long” look and answer, “Uh, Mom and Dad. What do you call the people who raised you?” I tried to use that to educate people on adoption.
I love my parents more than anything, but sometimes I was bratty and I was a miserable child at times taunting my mother with, “you aren’t my real Mom, you can’t tell me what to do” and my Mom firing back with “I wish we could send you back.” Ah, yes, the knock down drag out fights we had back then…
My mother felt threatened that I wanted to find my birth parents and it took me years to convince her that the people who raised me were always going to be Mommy & Daddy but there was a person who had me nine months prior inside her and someone else who at least involved his DNA. Hell, for all I knew he could have even raped my Mother because I knew absolutely nothing about him but at least had little tidbits on her.
In elementary school it had been recommended I go through counseling because I had been having panic attacks and nosebleeds so severe I was under a specialist’s care for them and my parents didn’t know why this was happening. Truth was a class mate informed me that adoption was when one family got me and when they got bored with me they would throw me out in the trash until someone else needed a kid. This happened when I was 6. Counseling was brought up as a last resort when I was nine. When I was nine I was tested by my therapist and found to have an extremely high IQ and placed in gifted seminar. She also told me I had abandonment issues (wtf?) and I was selfish to want to find my parents because they obviously didn’t want me and I needed to get over it and forget I was adopted. It went as far as having me do an exercise where I told a chair I know they didn’t love me and I wanted the phantom in the chair to get out of my life. (and you people wonder why I’m a little weird)
I never really stopped wanting to know where I was from. I look like my adoptive parents. I somewhat fit in with my family and extended family. But there were obvious differences. I started singing, acting in plays and playing piano at age four which spanned into fourteen years of formal musical training. No one in my family can carry a tune except my Pap who passed days before I turned five. One cousin played basketball, one swam and a bunch of the guys raced sprint cars and go carts whereas I lettered in Tennis, Basketball AND Soccer while working two jobs in high school. I used to avidly write, won contests for poetry, was offered to be published (Ex-fiancee2 made me turn it down) and read anything I could get my hands on. Both sides of the family read the paper, a few magazines and cookbooks and my Gram reads the Bible. Obviously, I got this stuff from somewhere.
In my early twenties I was lamenting over never going to college because I finally knew what I wanted to do with my life and was getting a late start. My Mom mentioned the fact that my Mother might have not made it to college either so stop worrying. I asked what she meant and she said that my biological mother had said she wanted to go to college. It stopped me dead in my tracks. I know it may seem insignificant, but when you hardly know anything about someone, each little pearl of information is a great treasure to you. Nothing had ever been mentioned about my father. I asked if she knew anything else and she said she didn’t. I don’t know if she’s since done a lot of digging, or just lied to me when she saw my reaction, but I found out she knew much more than she told me.
I had signed up to take a class last June on how to search for birth parents. I was excited and nervous because it might have worked, and it might fail. Unfortunately the calss was canceled days before due to low registration. Once again, my hopes were crushed. I wanted nothing more then to know where I’m from. I may be disapointed and they may be disapointed in me, but it’s better than wondering my entire life.
My mom kept a diary of sorts about everything. Everything in the process of adoption from the moment they decided to adopt until the judge declared me legally theirs. I saw it a few times when I was younger but it’s been locked up for years. I had asked my Mom to let me see it to make notes for the class. Days before the class was canceled she handed me a gray envelope with copies of paperwork and a letter she typed. (Certain items have been ***’d for posting for privacy)
What I know for sure…
You were born June 15, 1980 at Memorial Osteopathic Hospital, (Spring Garden Township) York, PA at 11:04 am. You weighed 8 lbs. 10 oz. and were 20 1/2″ in length. The adoption was done through York County Children and Youth Services at Pleasant Acres, York PA and Mrs. Betty Newport was the adoption counselor. You were placed in our arms on June 18, 1980 at our home at **** West Canal Rd, Dover, PA. Attorney Donald Dorrhandled the adoption. He was with the law firm Buchen, Wise, Dorr & McKonly at 126 Carlisle Street, Hanover, PA. He was our State Representative and I knew him from working at the Capitol. The relinquishment hearing was July 14, 1980. On July 21, 1980 a petition was filed to adopt and Notice of Intent to Adopt. The final adoption was held at the York County Courthouse, Orphans’ Court Division of the Common Pleas Court, on December 29, 1980. Attorney Steve McKonly was present for Atty Dorr. Judge Kohler presided.
What I was told about your birth parents…
Your mother was 20 years old and from the York County area. She was 5′2″, single and Caucasian. She was a high school graduate with hopes of going on to college. She had light brown hair and hazel eyes and is a very open person. I was told she wanted to write you a letter to be put in your file.
Your father was 25 years old, about 6′2″, good build and with a dark complexion (possibly Italian). He denied being your father but signed away his parental rights for your adoption. Mrs. Newport felt he was the father. He was single, a high school graduate and had a good job.
What documents and information I have…
A copy of the Attorney’s address and phone number. (They may have moved)
A copy of a canceled check for the portion we owed to Children and Youth Services upon placement the day you were placed on June 18, 1980.
A copy of your birth certificate.
A copy of the Record of Birth from Memorial Hospital with the signature of the attending physician(which is illegible) and on the back are the thumbprints of your birth mother.
A copy of the Certificate of Adoption, and if you look at the back of this, you will find at the top, written in pencil (it was probably to have been erased before we got it) is written M*****by Stoppard, the date 12/29/80 (date of the hearing) and the attorney’s last name (Dorr).
A copy of the letter you received in 2000 from the Adoption Medical History Registry saying the have no information for you.
What I believe might be true…
Your hospital baby picture has you still wearing your hospital ID bracelet. If you look with a magnifying glass, it looks like the name M*****, which is the name written in pencil on the back of your Certificate of Adoption. It also looks like the name DeCarlo or Dr. Carlo, which could be the illegible name of the attending physician on the Record of Birth.
When you were born, you had congenital hip dysplasia and were referred to Dr. Thomas Brimfield, York, PA and he sent you to be fitted for a Pavlik Splint. But while I was there there was some confusion because they obviously thought I was your birth mother. I saw a file laying there so I glanced at it. I believe I saw she was seeing Dr. Thomas Bride, D.O. 1787 4th Ave, York, PA. I also believe your mother’s name is Crystal D. M*****, but can’t confirm it.
My hands were shaking as I read the letter. I teared up but didn’t cry. But after I was crying so hard I couldn’t see, gasping for air and the silent screams where you are trying so hard to get it out but can’t even breathe. Obviously, I always think about my Mother on my birthday and wonder if I cross her mind, but lately she’s on a non stop train of thought…
And yes, I love my parents, I’m not doing this to hurt them even though if I find my birth mother my Mom will upset and crying regardless, but even if you can’t wrap your head around my burning need to do this, please don’t judge me and nag me for it. Instead, be my friend and be supportive.
